The Baby

How can I blog about anything other than this new arrival? Which anyway has everything to do with letting love find you.

I spent countless hours throughout the pregnancy planning how to best bring this baby into the world: reading a stack of books of birth stories, birth research, birthing theory, sorting through old and new insurance options, types of services, and parameters re my specific case (it eventually emerged that a previous surgery meant I couldn’t do a home waterbirth – on to Plan C!). By the time plan F rolled around, I found myself far downstream from my original anticipated landing point: every doctor I’d seen felt most comfortable with a planned C-section, including one that I trusted not to be overly interventionist.

At a certain point, I decided to simply let go of the process and follow life’s lead. That was lesson number one.

Lesson two is still in process. Having had the C section, I am faced with at least two possible narratives. In one, I let fear and the system override my strong gut sense of what was best for me and my baby. In the other, I surrendered my desire to be in control, trusted others, and took the safest course, which, ironically, I feared more, and I endured it bravely.

Obviously, since we get to create the narratives of our lives, the latter story might serve me the best. And, in fact, both stories can, paradoxically, be true at the same time.

What’s more notable about this event than how Samia arrived, is that now she is here, and the impact is enormous. Shawn and I both were heartbroken, before we met, about not yet starting our family. Waking up to blissfully married life in this beautiful home already felt like a miracle that was a long time coming and never to be taken for granted.

Sami’s addition makes even that reality seem shabby by comparison.

And I am still determined to pull as many individuals along with me on this path as life allows me to reach. The future life you want, you can indeed create.